Living on your own can be great. You can wander round the house naked, you can put your feet up on the furniture and you can eat what you want, when you want. The thing is though, sometimes it can start to feel a little bit lonely. Twenty years ago, life was different. Lonely people just bought a tamagotchi and muddled through.

Sadly, since the demise of electronic Japanese pets, it’s become a little bit more difficult to get the kind of company you need. That’s why more and more people are turning to flatmates. The problem with this is that flatmates are terrible people, bred in the hellish salt-mines of the 3rd moon of Saturn, who’ve been brought up to seek out the last helping of any kind of food stuff you could possibly stash in the fridge.

Nobody needs a background noise so badly that the loss of the final scrapings of the Flora tub can be accepted.

The answer? You’re never alone with a whistling kettle.